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The April Fools 1

April month starts with a Fool’s Day and usually ends with your Appraisal Day.
Both days showing you a mirror of how foolish you can be 🙂

So here are the Top 10 foolish employees to watch out for

Mr. Doubtfire Employee
This is a suspicious employee who always feels that others are going to get something more than him. When I hear him, my mind is playing the Surf Ad in the background “Bhala uski safedi meri safedi se zyada kaise”. And believe you me it’s usually those who are better paid than others who feel this way. Humorous irony!

‘Blame it on Management’ Managers
This is the most common one I have always heard from Managers. “Management doesn’t know the ground realities”. “Management doesn’t care”. “Management has taken the wrong decision”. I have always wanted to ask them “Who the fudge is management?” Your boss? His boss? HR? Or You?

Hands up Supervisor
This is a gutless Supervisor who is unable to give a bad news to the employee and thus needs to use the all-famous “HR changed your Rating” dialogue. I once came across an employee who was told by her Supervisor “I didn’t change your rating, my boss did it”. When she went to her Super-boss. He said “I didn’t change your rating, HR did it”. And then when she spoke to HR, they said “Your supervisor did it”. It sounds like a Dilbert joke, but it actually happened.

Raj Kumar employee
This is one of those Raj Kumar movie dialogues. ‘Main hamesha istifa apne jeb mein lekar ghumta hoon’ (I always carry my resignation letter in my pocket). If you are one of them, please read my blog ‘How to lose your Career in 10 ways’

The cry baby
Nothing is good enough for this employee. Demanding. Always wants what he can’t have. Even if you are promoting him, he cries cause this should have been done before.

Mein Kya karu employee
His poor performance should not be attributed to him. It is because of the global recession, the fall of gold prices, the attack in Afghanistan, the lunar eclipse and his neighbour’s girlfriend. If not for these, he would have been a star.

God’s gift to mankind employee
This employee reminds me of the Suresh Wadkar song “Main hi main hoon, main hi main hoon, doosra koi nahi”. It’s very hard for him to believe that others also have performed and it’s not just his team that’s at the top.

The Godfather supervisor
The dialogue “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse” is great when said by Michael Corleone. It’s just desperate coming from Supervisors who can’t manage their employees.

D K Bose employee
This employee thinks of his boss as D K Bose (dumb & kamina boss). He hates him and at best ignores him as he thinks he is better. He usually lands up appraising the Boss. Advise to the boss: Bhag Bhag D K Bose D K bhaag.

Kiss ass employee
No one likes a kiss-ass. The increment grids dont have such columns. So stop now.

P.S. All HR professionals try very hard to make the appraisal & compensation exercise a good one. You have got to trust them and your “Management”. If you find yourself absolutely unable to do so, it’s time to go the entrepreneur way.